Friend or Foe: Can people of the opposite sex be friends despite being in a committed relationship?

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spouse meme

Can you be in a committed relationship or marriage and have close friends of the opposite sex? I’ve seen this topic of discussion floating around Social Media quite frequently this week and decided to put my two cents in. I’ve read comment that are pro and some that are against. There have been videos posted with people voicing their opinions as well as online arguments that ensue.There have also been countless songs and movies on the subject.

brown-sugar

Here’s what I know:

•Having close friends of the opposite sex when you’re in a committed relationship or marriage is a “gateway drug”. It is not necessarily cheating, but you’re still getting high. The other person is providing something your partner is not; be it stroking your ego, a listening ear, having fun, etc. Your partner may be lacking in certain areas, but so are you. No one can provide all of someone else’s needs, however don’t be fooled into thinking you can get those things from another person and it not cause conflict in your relationship, especially if the provider is of the opposite sex. You can’t have everything you want, but if you truly need something that is missing, communicate with your partner, not your friend.

•It’s easy for the weak to get lost in the feeling generated for the so called friend. It is also easy to forget your partner’s good qualities and focus only on the things they may be doing to your dislike. It’s just like drugs… there are people who have a higher risk of falling into the trap of cheating. If you are not careful you will slip and then your life will be in disarray; maybe not immediately, but the partner always finds out eventually. Get a clue and get out your feelings… for another person. If you are truly committed to your partner, you will discuss your needs and give them the opportunity to provide them for you.

•People say men and women can’t be friends. This is not true because there are levels to friendship. It’s fine to have casual friends and/or co-workers. Let’s face it we spend a lot of time away from home living our daily lives. It would be impossible not to build relationships with other people, but when you allow someone into your heart you are playing with matches. You’re taking them out of the box, striking them and blowing them out. They are never used for their purpose, just for amusement. It’s dangerous to play with people and their feelings and you might find yourself with a five alarm fire you did not mean to set. Have you seen Obsessed or The Hand that Rocks the Cradle? There are some real psychos out there.

•Say you choose to have casual friends that are of the opposite sex. Be sure to be up front with them and your partner alike. Don’t kid yourself either. If you find this person attractive, more than likely you will start catch feelings you should not be catching. Never lie to your partner where this person is concerned and never, never, never do anything with them you would not feel comfortable doing in front of your spouse/partner. Walk away from compromising situations or you will regret it.

Overall just use your common sense. Don’t do anything with your friend you wouldn’t want your partner to do with theirs. Keep it clean and honest and on a casual level. Use your brain and not your loins to make decisions that involve the status of your current relationship and safeguard the one you love. If you slip, remember you are human and we all make mistakes. Don’t compound your mistake by not using protection. There’s nothing worse than bringing home a venereal disease except maybe bringing home a baby.

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11 thoughts on “Friend or Foe: Can people of the opposite sex be friends despite being in a committed relationship?

  1. I guess it’s okay until you start to compare the spouses or catch feelings. It can become a dangerous way to find your fun or get away time. People who laugh together always bond in some way. When the partner at home is grumpy and mean, a happy friend who loves you platonically can become a very attractive diversion. That’s how emotional cheating happens. If you find yourself alienating your partner in favour of this friend, then it’s time to stop fooling yourself. I think men have to be extra careful though because they are wired differently, if you get my drift. That said, we can’t use a broad brush for everyone. The answer depends on a lot of factors that are happening at that time. Your spouse should be your best friend, but ever so often that doesn’t happen, so people can do stupid things when they are lonely and vulnerable.

  2. I think friendship can happen but it’s such a sliding scale that boundaries have to be made and time spent with the friend has to be done in the most innocent way possible (no trips together, no hanging out late with each other, no telling personal couple business…)

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