“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” made the list on its name only. I don’t remember watching this one as a child and therefore no nostalgia is attached. I watched it yesterday to prepare for the blog and was left unimpressed. Here’s my take:
Santa Claus is Coming to Town tells the story of Kris Kringle and how he came to be Santa Claus and why he does what he does & when. He was abandoned as a baby by his mother who left him on the doorstep of an “evil” ruler, The Meisterburger. The Meisterburger wanted nothing to do with this child so he ordered his assistant to get rid of him. On the way to re-home the child the sleigh rope snapped and the baby was sent flying downhill where the woodland creatures sheltered him and then took him to live with a family of elves. He was raised by the elves, last name Kringle, as one of their own.
His cover story goes on to fabricate his entire motive for giving toys to children and placing the future Mrs. Claus under a spell using magic. Oh yeah, he had to start using his real name after he got in trouble with the law. That’s right kids; Santa is a criminal, an outlaw if you will. I always knew something was up with him.
Here’s what I mean:
• He was just too good at breaking into people’s homes, eating their cookies and drinking their milk all without leaving a trace. Sure he leaves presents for the kids, but that sounds like a bribe to me.
• His hide out is in the North Pole where no other humans live
• His MO is centered on intimidating small children and forcing their parents to lie. This lie is perpetuated generation after generation
• He drugged reindeer and forced them to cart him all around the world in one night. Can you say cruelty to animals? Where is PETA when you need them?
• His theme song is a warning to kids. He’s a stalker if I’ve ever seen one. Threatening kids not to pout and cry because if they do it’s a ticket to get on his list of “naughty” girls and boys. He even admits to watching them while they are sleeping. Creepy!
I say we discontinue this fraud parents, exposing Santa Claus for the criminal he really is.
Note: This post is purely satirical and not meant to defame the pure spirit of Santa. Lighten up people.